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tamara martinez

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Is this thing on? [Feb. 26th, 2007|04:25 pm]
tamara martinez
Hello? Is anyone there? I'm such a bad journal keeper. Bad girl.
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Ripped from Tine's meme [Aug. 27th, 2006|09:18 am]
tamara martinez
Hello there. I haven't been around in quite a long while. I was afraid that my account had dropped me, but I'm still here.
Things have been so absolutely nuts lately. My school has taken a 3 week break that should be a break for me too. Isabella's classes are on break as well, so we should be resting and gearing up for the next round. NOT!
First of all, I quit the family business. Yep. Oscar & I felt that we were totally snuffed out of it, and actually, nobody seems to care. (Wait until the next holiday comes around though, that's when they're usually begging for help). But that is subjective due to lots of big stuff going on too. Oscar wasn't being called after work for deliveries or for anything. My mom first hired some bitch to do my job months ago, and we had it out. Then I reluctantly agreed to work in the office again. I just had myself convinced that that was the better thing for me anyway, when I got snuffed out of there too. Being a family business, it's really rough and my mom doesn't play fair. She doesn't pay us half the time and when she does, she only pays us for part of the hours we work. Such bullshit. And she does that only to family and friends working for her. I'm the only family member who comes in when they're actually scheduled and does their certain job, and I was coming in to finding other family members sitting on their fat asses at my desk and trying to do my job. The hell with that.
Then my step-father finally got too sick to drive or anything. He's had cancer for a couple of years now and had been refusing treatment. They finally got hospice to come into the home so he could die comfortably at home. All of a sudden, my mom stopped coming to work all together, just so abruptly and didn't tie up any loose ends. Such as, asking my brother to come in the mornings and "be in charge". Fuck all that! I've put 17 years into this business, and you couldn't pay my brother to come in before. True, he has the time to come in in the a.m.'s and I don't. But it'll be a cold day in hell before he's in charge of me. And he would do things like close the shop when I got there, shut down the computers on me, just be a dick. The thing with him is that he did all that, but also has been bitching about it the whole time. It's the first time he's every had a regular schedule in his life and he's pissed about it.
So we quit. And what am I doing? I'm waiting tables at a Bennigan's restaurant! Of all things. Sometimes I feel like a big loser, but sometimes I feel really really free too. At least Bennigan's is a pretty nice place to work, and I consider it a pretty nice restaurant. I'm actually really nervous about it. And I'll be making more money doing that than being an Administrative Assistant for a huge floral design studio. Seriously, I know it's hard to start out in business. But it was also hard to be making half the rate of what I ought to be making by now. Maybe we'll go back to help on the holiday, I don't know. And God, now I'm actually hoping to NOT get pregnant any time soon.
My step-father passed away last Saturday, and we had the memorial service yesterday. I'll have to write more on that family dynamic at a later time or else this will be way too long. But it's really really weird around here without him. And it's been very sad, of course. This is the closest person to me that's passed away, and it's just so weird to me that time can go on and the sun can still rise without an integral part of this world around anymore.
Anyway. I can't wait for my classes to start. I feel like a big part of myself is impatiently on hold. My mom was going to back pay me by helping out with my & Isabella's next round of classes. She is notorious for making promises she can't keep. (Like, "I'll work around your schedule. You can work whenever you can...") When the time came to make good on her promise, and class fees were due, she backed out and was extremely mean about it. Nice. That's another reason we backed out of the business.
I'm going back to Bennigan's to continue my training this afternoon. Wish me luck.

1. FIRST NAME? Tamara

2. ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No, my 18 year-old mother thought she was being cool & original.

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Yesterday, at my step-father's memorial service.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Only when I'm trying to write neatly.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? None. It's all over-processed crap.

6. KIDS? One beautiful daughter.

7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not. I'd be too wrapped up in my own bullshit to be friends with me.

8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? This one is a sometimes journal, plus I really try to keep up with the handwritten notebook, but it's really tough. I usually just end up using it to do long-hand math when balancing my checkbook.



11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Probably not. I have a delicate stomach these days.

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Frosted Mini-Wheats.


14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Physically, No. Mentally, yes. Emotionally, kind of.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Can't eat ice cream anymore either, due to my delicate constitution. The last time I ate ice cream, about a month ago, I was up all night with severe stomach cramps and dry heaves. But I used to favor vanilla.

16. SHOE SIZE? 8

17. RED OR PINK? Red.

18. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Right now, that I suddenly feel really fuckin' fat all the time. Just all of a sudden I seem to have a really flabby middle. Where the fuck did that come from and why didn't I notice it coming?

19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Two of my old best friends, Douglas & Jason. I don't know if I'll ever see them again.


21. WHAT COLOR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW? Purple & pink striped pajama pants & no shoes.

22. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE WRITER/BOOK/MOVIE? Writer: That's really tough. Stephen King is awesome. I've never really had a favorite author though. Book: Again, tough. I read mostly all non-fiction all the time, so it's hard to say. Movie: I don't think I have one.

23, WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? my husband and our adopted little brother snoring in the living room. The guys stayed up late, drinking & shooting the shit last night, and passed out there.


25. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SMELLS? Roses, coffee, Oscar's cologne,Isabella's hair after a bath



28. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I ripped this off of Tine's blog, but I like Tine very much! :)

29. FAVORITE DRINK? alcoholic: red wine non: water

30. FAVORITE SPORT? none. I don't really care for any sports.

31. HAIR COLOR? dark brown (looks black), with carmel highlights

32. EYE COLOR? Hazel

33. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No, but thinking about it. Im so sick of these damn glasses. Maybe Lasik?

34. FAVORITE FOOD? I'm not really into food unless I'm starving. Good thing I'm a waitress now.

35. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Scary Movies. Oh yeah.

36. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Chronicles of Narnia last night, but I fell asleep half way through.

37. COLOR OF SHIRT YOU ARE WEARING? Purple, to match my pajama pants.

38. WINTER OR SUMMER? Absolutely Summer.

39. HUGS OR KISSES? Depends on who they're coming from.

40. FAVORITE DESSERT? Not really into dessert either.



43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? "The Well-Trained Mind", "Math Activities for Preschoolers", "Homeschooling the Early Years Child"; and "Been Here & Gone", which absolutely fucking cool, by David Dalton. It's a fiction based on a lot of real delta blues legends like Charlie Patton & Bessie Smith as characters. It's a hoot.

44. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Nothing, it's just black. God, I'm boring.

45. FAVORITE SOUNDS? Guitars, Johnette Napolitano's voice (always at gloomy times and always in the fall for some reason), Isabella singing & laughing, bells, storms

46. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? I didn't watch any tv, just the movie.


48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Austin TX, or Somerset MA. Haven't figured out which was furthest.

49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Some people really like the way I sing, and it's my favorite thing to do. I guess that's it.

50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Illinois, 1974.
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well howdy! [Jun. 14th, 2006|07:38 pm]
tamara martinez
[mood |contentcontent]
[music |"Sinnerman" Nina Simone]

I can't believe I haven't been on LJ in a whole month! I actually started to write a couple of weeks ago, but I was very very hung over and it was terrible. It was our fourth anniversary too. And I had to drive to Chicago for classes that night. Not a good time. But I'm alive. How can I sum up a months' worth of my exciting life? That's a joke. We did go to the Chicago Blues Fest on Sunday for our little anniversary outing. It rocked a lot more than we expected. We had such a great time. Now I want to be a blues singer. That's so funny. Because I am so not a belter. But I do love the blues. I'm especially partial to very old blues. I've been learning a lot of Mississippi John Hurt & Robert Johnson and Blind Wille McTell ( I think, so many of them were "Blind" something) on mah gee-tar. Nothing has ever made this girl feel so bad-assed as when I started playing with a bottle glass slide....
I just signed up for voice lessons again. I haven't taken them in a few years. I don't know how it's going to go, but it's worth a try. I need professional advice and that sort of thing. I was thinking about giving the Dylan ensemble a rest, but then I wouldn't have any opportunity to perform and gosh darn it, I'm really enjoying that aspect of it. Maybe I'll give it a rest in the fall and join up with the Gillian Welch ensemble. This school seems to be like my college.
The flower shop is suffering a bit of the slow season right now. Summer contains no big floral holidays. Everyone's hours are being cut and everyone is worried. It's the same thing every year. Even I'm scrambling for stuff to do since my mom hired a woman who basically stole my job. I don't go in much at all anymore even though we really need the money. I've been either promoted or demoted, I still don't know to doing office work lately. It sucks, and yet my mom keep asking me why I don't come in as much anymore. Duh. I'm looking for other jobs actually.
Isabella is in art, piano and ballet classes now. I wanted to get her into some kind of sports, but at the park district, where it is most affordable, all the sports take place at night. Is that back asswards or what? That's not a possibility for us.
Anyway - there's some sort of dance competition on my tv and it's making me want to put on "Howl's Moving Castle" - a brilliant movie that a friend let me borrow a few days ago, only every time I put it on, I fall asleep because I'm so tired. Japanimation is cool.
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I think I forgot how to play my guitar [May. 18th, 2006|07:39 am]
tamara martinez
[music |"Icarus" Ani Difranco]

Because of the flower business and Mother's Day being THE biggest floral holiday, especially out here in the suburbs, I finally saw the light of day just yesterday for the first time in five days. We were machines there for a few days, getting to work at 6:30am, leaving at 10:30pm, getting about four or five hours of sleep and doing it all over again and again and again. No time to sleep or eat or pee or anything. And it's not like we just were there for almost 15 hours every day, we were working at hyperspeed the whole time. My legs and feet were swollen every night, and every night I passed out within minutes of finally sitting down to watch Conan. My baby was with my grandma or my sister-in-law all day long every day. One of our designers was actually hit by a truck (while she was in her car) just as she was pulling into our parking lot, and she had to sit out there for 2 hours waiting for the cops to decide which jurisdiction really held the responsibility of driving their fat asses out their to take the report or see if everyone was okay. The truck driver didn't even have insurance, and i heard not even a license. Our water system burst twice, spraying floralife water all over the place. Then after the slow-ass "fix-it" guy came and left within fifteen minutes, the water turned bath-hot even though we have no water heater. Another designer's asshole husband made her stay home and clean the house on Sunday, wouldn't "let" her go to work where she wanted to be, and didn't even say "Happy Mother's Day" to her much less get her anything, and neither did her kids. My mother couldn't get out of bed one morning and got really scared because she just couldn't move for hours because she does this kind of schedule all the time. She actually thought she was having a stroke, but of course she didn't go to the hospital. My younger brother mysteriously and predictably disappeared for the whole stretch as he usually does at crunch times. My other brother showed up, but left early whenever his wife would whistle for him like a dog. She actually asked him to leave early one day because she had a bad day at work that day, and another day when she suddenly had a headache and wanted him to come home and watch her study......
I had to skip all of my classes and of course there was no practicing. I went to practice yesterday just by playing songs I know already by heart (mostly a lot of KH songs) and it was kind of scary. I almost didn't want to pick it up. I'm mad at myself for missing class last week for work, but I knew I would be. So I have class tonight and I'm going to have to ask what we did like a big idiot. But we had like 1000 orders just on Saturday, what could I do? This was like five Valentine's Days in a row. It was harsh. And for Mother's Day, I was still at it. The last two days I've been eating and sleeping a lot because it's all I want to do. So, hopefully I'll have something more interesting to say later, maybe after my classes tonight.
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Technology is soooo cool... [May. 6th, 2006|07:49 pm]
tamara martinez
[music |"Hook In Her Head" Throwing Muses]

Okay - can I just say that Live Journal is really cool? Guess I just did. I'm over-tired and starting to drink some red wine now. I'm very picky as well as adventurous as to the red wine I'm going to drink. Tonight, I decided to try something different: Ecco Domani. Me thinks me like it. And I had just a so-so session today with the Dylan ensemble. Kind of blah. I don't think I'm necessarily outgrowing the school just yet, but I am really starting to try to see past this horizon. What would be the next step? I don't have a clue. And Mother's Day is coming up which means the flower shop is busy. A good opportunity to make a bunch of money to pay off the credit card, to pay for more classes, to hopefully become a better musician, to hopefully start making money at this instead of spending money on it. I think it's a matter of meeting the right people.
Also, I want to mention, that I just finished looking at a whole bunch of pictures of our best friend's new fiance who is from Romania - they met on the internet and were engaged for months before actually meeting for the first time. These pictures are from their first visit and they're really a happy couple. He says that it could not have gone any better. Life is so beautiful and so strange.
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Starting to write again! [Apr. 20th, 2006|07:43 am]
tamara martinez
[music |"Studying Stones" Ani Difranco]

Perhaps it's just because I'm pressuring myself to write again, but it's working. And I'm finding what I feared to be true is true now. I've gone completely the other way around in thinking that I had nothing interesting to say, to believing there's just overwhelmingly too much to say and it's been hard to chase it down. And I have to learn to stick with it and come back to it later and work on it some more. How do I do that? I have, gosh, SO MANY unfinished songs because I guess I'm lazy and maybe I even get sick of them or something. I have a few finished rough drafts, but the amount of those are nothing compared to the amount of my unfinished half-assed beginnings. Somehow, if I can figure out how to make myself finish them, I would be so happy.
In the past three days, I've already begun 7 or 8 songs, and I'm really trying not to start many more. The way I write is by writing down an idea while it's occurring to me and to trying get as much written as I can while I'm inspired. If there isn't time for that much, I write down what I've got and come back to it later. I hardly ever finish it when I do come back to it later. In fact, there have been only a few songs that I actually finished in two sittings. I keep tweaking them and changing words and especially music forever of course. Yesterday I was writing while driving. I know it's not a good idea. But there was no place to pull over and of course every light I hit was green. I wish I had a writing partner still. I've never been able to have that, and I think maybe that's why I don't finish things. Like I get to a point where I really want another person's input. A scary thought is that maybe I haven't met one because I'm supposed to do it myself. Truthfully, that is scary. So I pretend that these are for me and me alone, and maybe Isabella will hear them, but that's all. It's easier to continue with that in mind. I guess I'm still self-concious. But I'm also getting old enough to realize that I'll hate myself forever if I don't take myself more seriously.
A proud moment yesterday. Isabella has a very small cheap guitar that her ex-godmother gave her when she was a baby. (I know, an ex-godmother? Another time.) I've occaisionally tried to show her how to hold it, but she was never interested. Yesterday she finally picked it up on her own. I asked her if she remembered how I showed her to hold it and she did. So I'm taking pictures because it's so cute and cos' I'm so proud, and then she starts strumming (over the top with all fingers, so cute) and SINGING, "Hey, Bella!" That's a song that we do in one of our classses where the teacher has a guitar and does a welcoming bluesy song where they pretend to be holding phones to their ears. So all the rest of the day, we were singing that song to everything, the puppy, the Care Bears, the stuffed cats, the flowers, etc.
Oh yeah, I'm listening to Ani Difranco because I'm pretty fascinated with her guitar work. How the hell is she playing that thing? Is she banging on it or something? Very intriguing. I haven't listened to her very much and not in a few years, but one of her albums was free at the library so I checked it out. Although she does have a pretty voice, and her music is good, I usually would just want her to shut up already.
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Beth Orton has a new cd [Apr. 16th, 2006|08:09 am]
tamara martinez
[mood |enviousenvious]
[music |"Skimming Stone" Beth Orton]

I really really like her. I used to have "Central Reservation", but I sold it a few years ago when I badly needed cash, vowing to buy it again whenever I could. Then I totally forgot about it until I was in Starbucks last week and they were selling her new cd up at the register. I didn't buy it then either, but I intend to as soon as possible. Instead, I've dug out the "Best Bit" ep which is really really nice. Ya'll should go to her website where you can hear long samples of songs from her new album. I think I especially like "Worms". I also just found out too late that she just played a show in Chicago just a few days ago. Shit.
(Sighing with jealousy). I haven't written in so long, I think I forgot how. Well, that's actually probably a good thing. When I'm writing, I keep thinking, come on girl, you can do better than that. Maybe I'm doing that too much and that's what's making me counterproductive. My problem right now is that I can't seem to focus. It's true that I don't have much time, but I used to be able to make time somehow if the idea was strong enough. I'm almost always inspired, but I just don't have enough focus. I really really need to do something about that.
Another thing I wanted to bring up - K.T. Tunstall. What an awesome voice. If you haven't heard of her, and if you're curious, just google her name and it'll take you right to her website. I never listen to the radio, but one day I did for just about twenty minutes and caught her song "Black Horse and a Cherry Tree" and I had to find out who she was. At her website, you can listen to some other stuff of hers and I liked it all pretty well. Soooo jealous....
Last night, my little brother - the one with no work or otherwise ethic except when it comes to his friends and his band, played at the Metro in Chicago. I guess that's a big deal. But in my opinion, and from what I've noticed, they've been letting just about anyone play at the Metro lately. They get a few big acts in there at times, but mostly it's whatever's hot at the moment, or at least anyone that sounds like it. Yuck. I haven't been there in years. And I haven't seen any of his shows but maybe one a long long time ago. I love my brother, and he's great when it's just the two of us, but he's really egotistical. He's always ultra-concerned about his image. So his shows, from what he tells me, consist more of him doing flips off the drummers platform while holding his guitar, than it is about the music.
Oh yeah!!! I went to a guitar workshop yesterday after the Dylan gig. It was called "Arranging Fingerstyle Guitar" and it was taught by one of the school's teachers who has taught for over 17 years and he performs and records and writes for Acoustic Guitar magazine among other stuff. I took the workshop because I'm interested in the fingerstyle classes at the school and I was considering taking the classes with this particular teacher, mainly because when you know that someone has been teaching for over 17 years, you expect them to have some people skills. Not so! This guys was such an arrogant prick. For the first time in my musical career, I was honestly offended by this male chauvenist. There were about 8 people in the workshop, two of them women, myself included. We had to go around the room and give our names and why we were taking the workshop. Before we even did that, he saw us, meaning myself and the other girl, and was warning us that this was an "intermediate" level workshop. The other girl only just started playing in January. But I never told him, and he never asked how long I've been playing. So he gave us all four pieces of tabs and was saying that depending on our ages, we might know one of these songs. He said he mostly concerned with the "ladies", on whether we've heard of this particular song before. The song was "I Want You" by Bob Dylan!! Honest to God, he seriously would not believe that I even knew Bob Dylan. He kept on asking me if I've ever heard this song before. I said, "I'm in the Bob Dylan Ensemble". Other people in the class snickered. He still wouldn't give up. He said, "well, before you were in the ensemble, had you ever heard much Bob Dylan?" I said, (hello) "My parents were hippies, yeah, I know him pretty well". For the rest of the workshop, he kept starting to get into some interesting stuff, but never quite reaching it because then he'd stop and look at us (the girls) and say "well, I don't want to go over anyone's head". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I was better than a few of those guys in there. That asshole. I left just about 15 minutes early because I didn't want to waste my money and because my meter was about up. He said he hoped I was able to get something out of the workshop, and I said thank you, yes I really did. I learned not to make sure to not get in a class with that dick!
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We got a puppy, and other morning coffee rantings... [Apr. 2nd, 2006|08:52 am]
tamara martinez
How's that for cheering one's self up? We've been wanting to get another pet for so long. We were disappointed that the dog we had didn't work out. She was my aunt's dog, but my aunt and her kids had to move to Texas and they didn't think their dogs would be able to handle the move. That was in June. We had K.A.R.A. for over 9 months and she never got used to it here. She was good in some ways, but could NOT get used to being an only dog, and she wouldn't play with Isabella for anything. Oscar's secretary told him that it was probably because she was 7 years old, comparable to a 40-some-year-old human and she'd already sort of been there and done that with the little kids. So we gave her to a very good no-kill shelter and she was adopted within the week. I didn't doubt it because she was an excellent actress and probably played up the pathetic bit as much as she could.
Well, we've been watching the shelter's website for weeks now and saw that they were getting a huge load of puppies yesterday. We missed having a dog for the protection of the family, and to add to our family since having any more kids isn't going to happen like we wanted it to. Don't get me started on that. This is supposed to be a happy post..... where was I? Oh yeah, so we ran to the shelter first thing in the morning before any of us even had breakfast and this little guy just sort of stood out. He's soooo cute and so little, only 12 weeks old, a black lab/terrier mix. We have to carry him around and go get him because he doesn't understand when we want him to "come here". He's very sweet and smelly. And his name is Lex Luthor. Seriously. In case you didn't know, well, now you do, that we are huge nerds. To complete our odd little scheme, we intend to get either a cat or another dog and name it Clark (Kent). We got hooked, line & sinker into Smallville recently and we really love the guy who plays Lex Luthor, he's the best one on the show! There were two other puppies from his litter there and we were soooo tempted to get one of them as well because we knew they'd get along and I like the idea of having two dogs. But I've never had a puppy before, only cats, and I have to train this guy from scratch. I have no idea how hard that's going to be. It's not a baby, but it's something new.
The reason I'm up so damn early is because Lex didn't like being fenced in the kitchen all night. But he's got a really cute little baby puppy whine. Oscar was up most of the night trying to teach him to be quiet.... that was probably pretty funny. If I didn't have so much trouble sleeping, I would have traded shifts with him. I think we are going to have to go out and get a cage for him today. All we could think of to do last night was to spread newspapers all over the floor and put the safety gate back up.
My class yesterday was really really awesome. It really did make me feel better. Everyone in my ensemble is really so nice and awesome and so much fun to play with. It seems like I'm not the only one who has so much fun every Saturday that we don't want it to end. I even get a little solo part to sing. We're going to do a song called "Mississippi" at the upcoming First Friday of the month performance. I'm thinking of taking something else afterwards just so I can be at the school longer on Sat.'s. I have only a few certain classes to choose from though. Which sucks because there are so many classes that I want to take at this school and I'm certain they'll make me a better musician, but they don't fit into my schedule. There are a lot of classes that only occur on the same day and time as the Dylan class for instance. So I have a "Neil Young Ensemble", "Fingerstyle 2", "Beatles Ensemble" & a "Wilco Ensemble". Where are all the female-led band ensembles, I ask??? They're all in their own little "all-inclusive for females only" ensembles called "Women's Rock Ensemble", or "Women's Acoustic Ensemble". And I'm sorry, but though I really want one of them to be an option, they are just so, um, typical(?). I don't like the groups that exclude one whole sex out of them. What about the men who like the women's music??? They're just s.o.l., I guess. And the women's rock ensemble's summer schedule is "Ladies of the 80's"! Oh, barf! The first time I saw them perform, I was like, embarrassed FOR them. They did songs like "What If God Was One Of Us" (no shit!), and some Sheryl Crow song, I don't even know which one. They all sound the same because that bitch has NO talent and should not even be in the music business. So, I can not be in a women's ensemble in any shape or form.
Try as I might, I really can't stand Neil Young. I try to ignore his whiney voice and just pay attention to the songwriting, but even that doesn't do it for me. You'd think, if she can do it for Dylan, she can do it for Neil, but I'm just not buying it, whatever it is that Neil is trying to sell me. Which is too bad, because some of the great people in my Dylan ensemble are going to do the Neil Young ensemble too. I guess I could just keep trying to find the good in Neil Young... I already do a lot of Fingerstyle, and I might just be wasting my time with Fingerstyle 2, I know NOTHING about Wilco, except that they seem to be pretty huge at the school and a lot of people like them. Which leaves me to the Beatles ensemble. For the summer they're going to be working on the "American Releases". What the hell is that? Just everything that they've ever released or is this some certain set of compilations or what? I have to find out. But I also know that this ensemble is not very open to interpretation as the Dylan ensemble is. Apparently, they're very by-the-book, and do exact renditions of the songs. I wonder if that would bother me though.
I seriously think about this all day long. Because there is also a Gillian Welch ensemble (yay! the only female-fronted band ensemble in the school) and I'm really liking Gillian Welch even if I'm not a "country" fan. At least she's not pop country and I like her songwriting. And that class meets only on Sunday afternoons. If I do that, I can't do Dylan on Saturday afternoons too. It would be too much and Chicago is about 45 minutes away in good traffic. Not that I mind, but I do mind the gas prices. I'm already going to be going up there three times a week. Isabella's got art & piano classes coming up on Tuesday mornings, I've got Guitar Fingerboard Theory & Delta Blues Fingerstyle guitar on Thursday evenings. No, it's not enough! I need an ensemble or two as well. I only have until the middle of April to decide.
Oh yeah, and there was a Ralph's World kids' concert going on at the school yesterday that was just throwing everything off kilter. I was very very lucky to find a parking spot right away. But there were kids and babies just crawling all over the place. I swear to God, everywhere I look, everywhere I go, I'm running into babies and pregnant women. God must be making me pay for something, but I don't know what I ever did to Him to piss him off so badly. I was really pissed off because I go to Old Town to escape all that mess. I come out of the bathroom before heading to class and there are like, boobs everywhere! I'm not even kidding, these women are just openly breastfeeding right in the hallways, not even covering up with a towel or anything. If I'm offending anyone, I'm sorry, but J.C.! Why am I just supposed to deal with it? It really does seriously gross me out. It's not like this is a day care center or a hospital or a lactating women's clubhouse, it's a damn public school for God's sake. I wasn't the only one horrified by that either. And the guy having the concert is a former teacher of mine who's made it pretty damn big in the last couple of years in children's music. I took a songwriting class from him. I saw him in the hall after my class and we caught each other's eye. So I went up to him and shook his hand and reminded him who I was. And he's actually standing there acting like some fucking big shot because he does KIDS concerts? Ooo, big star performing for a bunch of screaming 3 YEAR OLDS. ha ha ha ha
Due to my recent bout of depression, I am only listening to sad Kristin songs, Tori's come back out of the closet ("from the choirgirl hotel" in particular), and so have the cure and morrisey!?!? oh, help!
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sigh... [Apr. 1st, 2006|08:09 am]
tamara martinez
[mood |discontentdiscontent]

Well, I'm still not doing so hot right now. Although I'm pretty sure my last post was private, I don't know if I feel like fixing it or doing anything about it. Oh well. I feel like i'm constantly trying to hold my head above water, constantly trying to smile through tears and God, you can only do that for so long, but then what? I wish anti-depressants didn't have so many side-effects and that I weren't so against taking medicine, especially that kind. I wish I wasn't also afraid to take at least St. John's Wort for the same reasons. It's only 8:15 a.m. and I'm already hoping tomorrow will be a better day. But hey, oh yeah, I've got the Ensemble today. That should count for something.
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Viva la Vida [Mar. 12th, 2006|08:12 am]
tamara martinez
[mood |groovy]
[music |"Shoot" Sonic Youth]

Golly, I've just been so busy lately. Bella started Acting Classes for 3-year-olds at the Old Town School of Folk Music which gives Mama & baby a day in the big city once a week. Awesome! (Except that she still gets really really REALLY pissed off whenever there's applause. This has been going on for two years! I'm really tired of that. She freaks out and throws a huge screaming and kicking fit whenever anyone claps around her. It's so embarrassing, but we want her to get over it and the only way we can think of making that happen is by exposing her to it a lot more.) She loves riding by the "big big water" and even knows it's name, "Lake Michigan". And it's beautiful now. Yesterday was such a great beautiful day. I went to my Dylan Ensemble and didn't want to leave the city. I was looking for an excuse to stick around a while, so I got a new guitar!! It's sooooo pretty and nice. It's not as simple as all that though. I traded in a really nice Rodriguez classical guitar the other day because I decided I was ready for an upgrade in my acoustic guitar status. I'd gotten the Rodriguez about 5 years ago when I was taking classical guitar lessons. The sound was beautiful and I really liked having it around. But soon after I got the Rodriguez, I became more interested in fingerstyle and realized that I was partial to the steel strings instead of nylon. So there is sat for a while, occasionally seeing the light of day, when I'd feel bad about having such a nice guitar and never taking it anywhere. Long story short, I got a really good deal on trading it in and it resulted in a sizeable mark down on a beautiful Blue Ridge guitar that I fell in love with immediately upon plucking it's strings. Awesome. This is a guitar made for recording. I could go on and on.... it's like a new member of the family.
Last Sunday the ensemble performed a bunch of songs from the "Blonde on Blonde" album before a sparse and forgiving audience of mostly other performers and our family members. Oscar actually went for the first time. Everything we rehearsed the day before was forgotten except by me and a couple of others. Oh well, no major catastrophies. And I even got a solo vocal performance on "Visions of Johanna", and got a duet part in "Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again" (the verse that Doug likes, actually! : the verse with, "your debutante just knows what you need, but I know what you want"). I'm beginning to love it when that happens - when I get something on my own. That way I can do it the way I want. Yesterday we did "Bye & Bye" & "Sugar Baby". Wonderful stuff. I'm partial to the old-timey music & early blues, and this just reeks of it. Blatantly ripped off, actually, but that's another story.
I'm getting ready to register for more classes, hopefully by tomorrow. I'm swinging towards Delta Blues Fingerstyle guitar (!), Guitar fingerboard theory & another ensemble, perhaps Dylan. There's just too much to choose from and it depends on what our weird-ass schedule with the business will allow. Needless to say, sleep is taking a backseat because every spare few hours we find, we're going to the studio. But that's going well. Systems are finally getting gelled into place, and we're not having to put out fires all day long. And we can have lives again.
Bella also started her first class by herself last week. 45 minutes! Seems like such a long time. It's only once a week. I was out in the hall with other teary-eyed and anxious moms leaving their babies alone for the first time. At least it's not pre-school, and it's not all day, or even half a day. I walked her into the room and disappeared when she turned her back. I was peering through the slim rectangle window in the door and saw her looking for me. :( Also saw her just sitting on the floor in the middle of some kind of circle activity, just looking at the floor and refusing to talk or participate. But she seemed to warm up towards the end when they went to a table and played with glue stick & construction paper. A little bit. She's not going to preschool, but she really needs to work on her speech. She's getting kind of lazy with that because she knows that we know what she's saying, so she's not challenging herself. So, it's good for her. I just hate that I can't see what's going on in the whole room the whole time. They are building a new facility for early childhood classes that will have a wall-sized hidden window/mirror thing that parents like me can see through. I don't know if it will be finished by the time she's outgrown the early childhood programs though.
Oh yeah, and I quit smoking for Lent. I wasn't really smoking much anymore, but I still like them from time to time and when I want one, I WANT ONE. I'm doing amazingly well. I don't even think about it much. Weird. Knitting is definitely helping. My socks are turning out sooo cute. I'm going to work on a dress for Bella pretty soon. Just browsing for the perfect pattern.
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